Something I have always admired in others is the ability to assume the best intentions. I do not have this ability, and for good reason. Based on my experiences I tend to think the worst of people and more often than not I am proven wrong.
This trait needs to change for several reasons:
1. I am very, very defensive. If I feel like I have been slighted in any way I will get an attitude. I can't stand this about myself as I end up pushing so many people away.
2. I am also ridiculously sensitive. While I feel this could be a benefit to becoming more compassionate, my sensitivity currently has me jumping to incorrect conclusions. I have ruined several relationships by doing this.
Obviously, my altruistic mission is incredibly selfish.
But really, I am so tired of hurting people so much that they want nothing to do with me. It is unintentional. I have had quite a few bad experiences and my guard is always up. Time for it to (at least seemingly) come down. Time for me to open my mind to the good intentions of others.
The struggle is, of course, how do I exude kindness and at the same time be realistic? My image of kindness involves people being taken advantage of by swindlers. This perspective is what is standing in my way. I have known some very intelligent people who were incredibly kind while also being...well, I can't think of the correct term, but let's just say the opposite of a doormat. So, how is this done? I really have no clue, but I am going to try to become more like this one step at a time.
That was a lot of bad rambling.
First step toward my goal of being compassionate:
Make eye contact and smile.
Sounds like no big deal. However, how many times are you walking through a store and you stare straight ahead? You avoid eye contact with people, and why??? Because they will think you are creepy??? I really don't know why I do this, but I know that when I actually take the time to look at someone and smile, they tend to reciprocate. And when someone makes eye contact with me and smiles, well, it makes me a little more joyful. Just a smidgen. And really, compassion for others begins with actually noticing their existence. So I will notice. And I will hopefully bring just a smidgen of joy to them.
Status report coming in one week!
Wednesday, March 9, 2016
Tuesday, February 9, 2016
The Big Move Six Months Later
Six months ago I moved to Louisville from the area I had called home for 30 years.
In this time my small family and I have lived in a tiny temporary house, lost a house due to appraisal issues, got an amazing new house, moved in, and had a baby. And that's not including all the day-to-day happenings, holidays, and guests. (Daily life, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and 9 guests).
Six months ago I was sobbing driving here. I was miserable. This change was so much harder than I ever imagined it could be.
I am happy to say that much has gotten better. Having our daughter filled a hole in our family none of us knew was even there. She is amazing. I LOVE my new neighborhood. We are living in my dream home in an idyllic spot. Being away from certain things is good. I am okay with not moving back (six months ago I would have been clawing at the chance to move "home"). My career? Well, that is kinda on hold while I take a year that is being filled with baby snuggles, sleepless nights, and many, many dirty diapers. But I don't mind.
I am sad to report that aspects have gotten worse. Mostly it's an internal struggle. Having my daughter has taken a toll on my body and mind. I am struggling to find myself amidst all the upheaval. For I am the one who has had to change the most. Chris is working for the same company, doing the same thing he has done for ten years. Claire has school, which is routine for her. I have my new place as stay-at-home-mom. But only temporarily. Future uncertainty looms for me. And I am lost. A separate post is in order to discuss my journey.
Overall, I don't regret making the decision to turn our lives upside down and move here. This has been such a valuable learning experience (for me at least). Maybe I will expand on that another time...
Anyway, this is just a quick hello to say that we are okay. :)
In this time my small family and I have lived in a tiny temporary house, lost a house due to appraisal issues, got an amazing new house, moved in, and had a baby. And that's not including all the day-to-day happenings, holidays, and guests. (Daily life, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and 9 guests).
Six months ago I was sobbing driving here. I was miserable. This change was so much harder than I ever imagined it could be.
I am happy to say that much has gotten better. Having our daughter filled a hole in our family none of us knew was even there. She is amazing. I LOVE my new neighborhood. We are living in my dream home in an idyllic spot. Being away from certain things is good. I am okay with not moving back (six months ago I would have been clawing at the chance to move "home"). My career? Well, that is kinda on hold while I take a year that is being filled with baby snuggles, sleepless nights, and many, many dirty diapers. But I don't mind.
I am sad to report that aspects have gotten worse. Mostly it's an internal struggle. Having my daughter has taken a toll on my body and mind. I am struggling to find myself amidst all the upheaval. For I am the one who has had to change the most. Chris is working for the same company, doing the same thing he has done for ten years. Claire has school, which is routine for her. I have my new place as stay-at-home-mom. But only temporarily. Future uncertainty looms for me. And I am lost. A separate post is in order to discuss my journey.
Overall, I don't regret making the decision to turn our lives upside down and move here. This has been such a valuable learning experience (for me at least). Maybe I will expand on that another time...
Anyway, this is just a quick hello to say that we are okay. :)
Monday, December 7, 2015
Four Month Update
It has been four months since I moved 500 miles from home. The last time I checked in I was still very homesick. I hated living here in Louisville and would have done a lot to go back to KC.
Four months later and the dust has settled. We are in our new house and while we are not done unpacking, we are comfortable. Our new baby is here - the only one of us not born in Missouri. And I have a whole new (yet kinda old) perspective.
First of all, I still miss home. And yes, Kansas City will probably always be home. I am surprised by how much I miss not only the people, but also the city itself. I miss my friends, family, and acquaintances. I miss my house. I miss leaving my house and knowing how to get somewhere. I miss my old Target and HyVee. I miss Union Station, the Kansas City Zoo, Powell Gardens (one of my favorite places in the whole world), Paradise Park - the list goes on and on.
Secondly, I miss my job. And not just working (though I miss that too). I miss Ray-Pec. I miss Shull Elementary, Raymore Elementary, even ASC. Most surprisingly, I miss the stress. That sounds crazy, but it's true.
However, over the last month or so my feelings have been changing. Before moving I would encourage youngsters (adults who are not married or have children) to take advantage of their freedom and try moving to a new city for at least awhile. Well, when I moved, for awhile at least, I wished I never would have given that advice. I was so miserable and thought I was crazy for ever thinking anyone moving from home was a good idea. Now I am singing a different tune. I am glad that I moved, if for no other reason then I can experience what it is like to live somewhere else. I have a whole new appreciation for Kansas City and all it has to offer (and I have been surprised to learn how much that is). I still would like to move back...someday. I wouldn't mind living somewhere else either. After all, Louisville is not so different from KC. Maybe moving to a coastal town where we could be closer to the beach would be fun. Or Texas. Everyone from Texas thinks that it is the best place ever (Don't believe me? Spend some time talking to them. They are very proud of their state.). I would maybe like to see what the hype is about. Wherever I end up, a couple of things I know for sure are that I will not get a choice and everything happens for a reason.
But that is in the future. For now I am loving my family, home, and neighborhood. And the possibility of casually running into Jennifer Lawrence is pretty exciting. Now if I could only figure out what I want to do for a career...But that is a whole other blog post!
Four months later and the dust has settled. We are in our new house and while we are not done unpacking, we are comfortable. Our new baby is here - the only one of us not born in Missouri. And I have a whole new (yet kinda old) perspective.
First of all, I still miss home. And yes, Kansas City will probably always be home. I am surprised by how much I miss not only the people, but also the city itself. I miss my friends, family, and acquaintances. I miss my house. I miss leaving my house and knowing how to get somewhere. I miss my old Target and HyVee. I miss Union Station, the Kansas City Zoo, Powell Gardens (one of my favorite places in the whole world), Paradise Park - the list goes on and on.
Secondly, I miss my job. And not just working (though I miss that too). I miss Ray-Pec. I miss Shull Elementary, Raymore Elementary, even ASC. Most surprisingly, I miss the stress. That sounds crazy, but it's true.
However, over the last month or so my feelings have been changing. Before moving I would encourage youngsters (adults who are not married or have children) to take advantage of their freedom and try moving to a new city for at least awhile. Well, when I moved, for awhile at least, I wished I never would have given that advice. I was so miserable and thought I was crazy for ever thinking anyone moving from home was a good idea. Now I am singing a different tune. I am glad that I moved, if for no other reason then I can experience what it is like to live somewhere else. I have a whole new appreciation for Kansas City and all it has to offer (and I have been surprised to learn how much that is). I still would like to move back...someday. I wouldn't mind living somewhere else either. After all, Louisville is not so different from KC. Maybe moving to a coastal town where we could be closer to the beach would be fun. Or Texas. Everyone from Texas thinks that it is the best place ever (Don't believe me? Spend some time talking to them. They are very proud of their state.). I would maybe like to see what the hype is about. Wherever I end up, a couple of things I know for sure are that I will not get a choice and everything happens for a reason.
But that is in the future. For now I am loving my family, home, and neighborhood. And the possibility of casually running into Jennifer Lawrence is pretty exciting. Now if I could only figure out what I want to do for a career...But that is a whole other blog post!
My beautiful girls in our backyard on Thanksgiving.
Monday, September 14, 2015
Moving To Louisville: A Month Later
I have been a Louisville, Kentucky resident for an entire month. Which sounds like a long time, but really is not. It is 4 weeks. 28 days. 1,680 hours. Not long at all.
Things are getting better. I am finding my way around the little area we live in. Sometimes I am even better than my husband at knowing where things are (but mostly he is better).
I still get homesick. Just thinking about KC makes my eyes water. I miss home. I miss the familiarity of it. I miss seeing my mom. I miss my stuff (it's still in storage). I miss taking walks through my neighborhood...which isn't my neighborhood anymore. And just like that it hits me like a ton of bricks: that part of my life is over. And I need to get over it.
To keep myself from full out crying, I will now move onto a more optimistic topic: our new home. We are supposed to close on Friday, September 18th, but of course, I worry (anxiety rears its ugly head again). We had some bad luck with the last house we were supposed to get, so I am trying to keep my hopes low until the keys are in our hands. But that doesn't mean I'm not getting more excited every day :)
Our new house...I am so excited to move in! Many of the houses here were built in the 80's and early 90's. They have a traditional feel that you saw in a lot of 80's movies. As a kid I always wished I lived in a house like that - and now I am going to! Huzzah!
It has a formal living room (which we are turning into a playroom), formal dining room, large kitchen, family room, 4 bedrooms, 2.5 baths, and finished basement. There is a bonus room off the master bedroom that will be my own special oasis! I cannot wait to get in there and decorate!
And of course, I am over the moon about getting ready for Elizabeth's arrival - FINALLY! She is due in six weeks! Eeek! There is so much to do and I am ready to nest! My poor husband is a little stressed and overwhelmed by my enthusiasm, so I need to calm down a bit.
Another positive that has happened in the last week is I have met some new people! I have joined a mommy group and have met a few really nice women. Claire was invited to a birthday party and I met some moms there as well. I am finding that so many people are transfers here! They completely understand what we are going through. It has been wonderful meeting them.
Well, I believe this post is long enough!
Thank you for taking the time to read my blog!
Wishing you well,
Stephanie
Things are getting better. I am finding my way around the little area we live in. Sometimes I am even better than my husband at knowing where things are (but mostly he is better).
I still get homesick. Just thinking about KC makes my eyes water. I miss home. I miss the familiarity of it. I miss seeing my mom. I miss my stuff (it's still in storage). I miss taking walks through my neighborhood...which isn't my neighborhood anymore. And just like that it hits me like a ton of bricks: that part of my life is over. And I need to get over it.
To keep myself from full out crying, I will now move onto a more optimistic topic: our new home. We are supposed to close on Friday, September 18th, but of course, I worry (anxiety rears its ugly head again). We had some bad luck with the last house we were supposed to get, so I am trying to keep my hopes low until the keys are in our hands. But that doesn't mean I'm not getting more excited every day :)
Our new house...I am so excited to move in! Many of the houses here were built in the 80's and early 90's. They have a traditional feel that you saw in a lot of 80's movies. As a kid I always wished I lived in a house like that - and now I am going to! Huzzah!
It has a formal living room (which we are turning into a playroom), formal dining room, large kitchen, family room, 4 bedrooms, 2.5 baths, and finished basement. There is a bonus room off the master bedroom that will be my own special oasis! I cannot wait to get in there and decorate!
And of course, I am over the moon about getting ready for Elizabeth's arrival - FINALLY! She is due in six weeks! Eeek! There is so much to do and I am ready to nest! My poor husband is a little stressed and overwhelmed by my enthusiasm, so I need to calm down a bit.
Another positive that has happened in the last week is I have met some new people! I have joined a mommy group and have met a few really nice women. Claire was invited to a birthday party and I met some moms there as well. I am finding that so many people are transfers here! They completely understand what we are going through. It has been wonderful meeting them.
Well, I believe this post is long enough!
Thank you for taking the time to read my blog!
Wishing you well,
Stephanie
Sunday, August 16, 2015
One Week in Louisville
We have officially been in Louisville for one week...and I don't really know how exactly I feel about that.
I know that I don't have a choice to be here, so I need to be okay with it, so I guess that is how I feel.
This week several things occurred that were difficult:
*our Missouri home closed and the new owner took possession
*my friends all went back to work...where I would have been if we hadn't moved...where I have been going for the past ten years
I knew the first would be hard. The second? I thought I would feel relief. Instead I felt a sense of loss. They are moving on without me, which is the way it should be, but still...
I met my Kentucky obgyn, and she is very similar to my Kansas City one, which is great because I loved that doctor!
Claire started school this week as well, leaving me with hours during the day to fill. I love to feel productive and I want to feel like I am contributing to my family's finances, so here is what I have been working on:
*I applied for an online tutoring job. I have a second interview tomorrow.
*I have been working on my YouTube channel as well as this and another blog, with the hopes that one day I could maybe make some money
*Using opinion outpost and swagbucks to earn gift cards
*Working on my Cat Facts Facebook page (hey, you never know where an opportunity to make some moula will arise)
Also, I have been utilizing apps that will help me save money when I shop. These apps are ibotta, shopkicks, and ebates (not an app, a website). So far I have saved $2.20 by doing virtually nothing. Not much, I realize, but it's something.
Claire has been adjusting well to school and Chris seems to enjoy having us here with him. Truly, I am the one struggling the most with the transition. I feel a little lost and I don't really know what to do with myself. I have some plans for the upcoming week, and I will keep you posted as things develop.
I know that I don't have a choice to be here, so I need to be okay with it, so I guess that is how I feel.
This week several things occurred that were difficult:
*our Missouri home closed and the new owner took possession
*my friends all went back to work...where I would have been if we hadn't moved...where I have been going for the past ten years
I knew the first would be hard. The second? I thought I would feel relief. Instead I felt a sense of loss. They are moving on without me, which is the way it should be, but still...
I met my Kentucky obgyn, and she is very similar to my Kansas City one, which is great because I loved that doctor!
Claire started school this week as well, leaving me with hours during the day to fill. I love to feel productive and I want to feel like I am contributing to my family's finances, so here is what I have been working on:
*I applied for an online tutoring job. I have a second interview tomorrow.
*I have been working on my YouTube channel as well as this and another blog, with the hopes that one day I could maybe make some money
*Using opinion outpost and swagbucks to earn gift cards
*Working on my Cat Facts Facebook page (hey, you never know where an opportunity to make some moula will arise)
Also, I have been utilizing apps that will help me save money when I shop. These apps are ibotta, shopkicks, and ebates (not an app, a website). So far I have saved $2.20 by doing virtually nothing. Not much, I realize, but it's something.
Claire has been adjusting well to school and Chris seems to enjoy having us here with him. Truly, I am the one struggling the most with the transition. I feel a little lost and I don't really know what to do with myself. I have some plans for the upcoming week, and I will keep you posted as things develop.
Thursday, August 13, 2015
Changes
This summer my life exploded.
Now, I don't mean this literally. I did not spontaneously combust. My home was not an erupting volcano. There was no freak chemistry accident.
No, what I mean is that pretty much anything that could change did.
I have heard - don't ask me whom I heard it from - anyway, I have heard that the hardest things that can happen in your life are as follows (in no particular order):
Now, I don't mean this literally. I did not spontaneously combust. My home was not an erupting volcano. There was no freak chemistry accident.
No, what I mean is that pretty much anything that could change did.
I have heard - don't ask me whom I heard it from - anyway, I have heard that the hardest things that can happen in your life are as follows (in no particular order):
- loss of a loved one
- moving
- pregnancy/birth of a new child
- changing jobs
- end of a relationship
From that list three of the five are happening to me right now. I am pregnant with my second child. My husband was relocated from Kansas City to Louisville, thus causing me to quit my job, sell my house, and pack up everything and move eight hours from friends and family to a city I had only heard of before.
This has been devastating to myself and my daughter, because, let's face it, change is tough.
I realize that this move is for the best. It is an excellent opportunity for my husband. He has been stuck in a rut for years and is finally making progress in his career. I am able to try my hand at working from home, allowing me to stay home with my new baby. I am very excited about being home for my first grader as well. A latch key kid myself, I always dreamed of my mom baking me cookies and listening to my tales of elementary school. This is a gift I now have to give to my own child. This is a new adventure for my entire family. We will get to explore places we have never been to before. I will tell my husband that I am obligated to purchase a fabulous new hat for the Kentucky Derby. And, of course, I will meet Jennifer Lawrence and we will become fast friends (she's from Louisville, y'know).
+
= BFF
But, this is not without heartache. I miss my home in Kansas City. I miss leaving my house and knowing how to get around town. I miss my job. I miss my doctor. Most of all, I miss my family and friends. Though I try to stay optimistic, I admit that I cry every day. And that is okay. It is okay to feel sad - for a bit. So I try to give myself a time limit (like 30 minutes), and then I take a deep breath, and try to do something productive.
Things will get better, I am sure.
My plan is to post weekly on my progress toward feeling at home in my new town. I wish I had found something like this before I had moved so that I had been prepared. Hopefully I can help someone else.
Wednesday, August 12, 2015
This Blog
Hello there and welcome to my blog!
I have been a blogger and blogger on and off for about seven years. Like so many others I start out gung ho ("I am going to blog every day!") and a week later (sometimes days) I fizzle out ("Why should I blog? No one reads it anyway.").
Well, I am starting anew! And this time I hope it sticks.
Here is what you can expect from this blog:
- life updates
- commentaries
- diet/weight loss updates (these will begin after my baby is born in October)
- craft projects and recipes
- home decor
- whatever else I feel would fit into a lifestyle blog
Pressure is low: one post per week. If I do more, great. If I do less, well, I need to hop right back onto the saddle the next week (or two weeks...or three).
And if no one reads it, well, that's okay. I guess. My musings will be posted online for me to reflect on in the future.
Please read my blog.
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