Something I have always admired in others is the ability to assume the best intentions. I do not have this ability, and for good reason. Based on my experiences I tend to think the worst of people and more often than not I am proven wrong.
This trait needs to change for several reasons:
1. I am very, very defensive. If I feel like I have been slighted in any way I will get an attitude. I can't stand this about myself as I end up pushing so many people away.
2. I am also ridiculously sensitive. While I feel this could be a benefit to becoming more compassionate, my sensitivity currently has me jumping to incorrect conclusions. I have ruined several relationships by doing this.
Obviously, my altruistic mission is incredibly selfish.
But really, I am so tired of hurting people so much that they want nothing to do with me. It is unintentional. I have had quite a few bad experiences and my guard is always up. Time for it to (at least seemingly) come down. Time for me to open my mind to the good intentions of others.
The struggle is, of course, how do I exude kindness and at the same time be realistic? My image of kindness involves people being taken advantage of by swindlers. This perspective is what is standing in my way. I have known some very intelligent people who were incredibly kind while also being...well, I can't think of the correct term, but let's just say the opposite of a doormat. So, how is this done? I really have no clue, but I am going to try to become more like this one step at a time.
That was a lot of bad rambling.
First step toward my goal of being compassionate:
Make eye contact and smile.
Sounds like no big deal. However, how many times are you walking through a store and you stare straight ahead? You avoid eye contact with people, and why??? Because they will think you are creepy??? I really don't know why I do this, but I know that when I actually take the time to look at someone and smile, they tend to reciprocate. And when someone makes eye contact with me and smiles, well, it makes me a little more joyful. Just a smidgen. And really, compassion for others begins with actually noticing their existence. So I will notice. And I will hopefully bring just a smidgen of joy to them.
Status report coming in one week!
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